At first I was going to talk about friendship today to coincide with today’s blog post, but my spirit moved me in a different direction. About 98% of people that know me don’t know that I had a little sister named Simehan, (SIM-MEE-YAHN). That’s right, the almond shape eyed, beautiful chunk of chocolate in this picture with my mom was my little sister. Today she would’ve been 18 years old. Her birthday is always the same as the year. I’ll spare you the gruesome story of that day that I always think I have buried until I randomly start feeling emotional and can’t figure out why. It’s because the message from @bishopjakes podcasts said, “You CAN’T overcome what you won’t confront.” Well this is a baby step in the direction of confrontation. God sure has a way of forcing me to open up. I’m an open book about surface level shit but not this stuff. By no means do I ever take to social media with these deep ass stories to throw myself a pity party, but it is therapeutic to release parts of me I dare not speak of. I wonder what my chunky mama would’ve been like today. Probably still chunky and a darker version of my mom right up under me or Nizhan, or my God mom who she LOVED so much.
The happiest baby I had ever met in my life, also the heaviest lol ... She died 16 days before her first birthday and I’ve never seen an individual more crushed and defeated than my mom. Y’all know how I always say Austin was sent here in place of my mom? I think Simehan was sent here in place of all the L’s my mom had taken in her life. Anyway, I’m stopping here bc I can feel the lump in my throat and the tears well up as I write this. Maybe one day all of this will come out in a book, iono. When I have a little girl I’m sure she will look exactly like this. Pretty, full of life and extra chunky. Happy Birthday Thimmie 💋Happy Monday y’all ! Until next time!
With Love & Food,
-Chef Morghan